I'll bet she douches with gravy.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
