I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
