Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
