I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
