just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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