How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize