u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
