If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
