are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
