Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
