My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
