its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
