thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
