I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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