I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
