this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
