I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My pussy is not your playground.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
