my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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