if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
