I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Let's get the cat blown out
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
