I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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