Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
