my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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