I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
