everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
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he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
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I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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