ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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