Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
