We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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