You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
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The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
