Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
