We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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