We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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