so let's talk penis.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
