I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
