look no pants
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
