I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
