he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
