Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
