Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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