what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
