remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm really busy with my period
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