it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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