we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
