**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
