I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
