I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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