those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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