so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
