But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
