i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
