I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
