this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
