He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
