...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
