Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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