and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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