i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
