White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
