How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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