I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
