I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
