Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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