You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
