he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
