her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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