i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
