I met the friendliest cop last night
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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