And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
