maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
