Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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