Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
