Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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