Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
