ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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