My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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