this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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