My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
