woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
