it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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