Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I supernannyed him into submission
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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