I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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