That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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