maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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