he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
