I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
