I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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