i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
