Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
